Faith. Ay, and 'tis time they look into it; for they begin to spread so, that a man can scarce find an honest woman in a country. They say, they're voted down now : 'twas mov'd by that charitable member that got an order to have it but five miles to Croydon, for ease of the market- women. Love, Ay, ay, 'tis a blessed parliament. [Exeunt Loveall and Faithful. Par, That I have play'd the fool is visible. This comes of rashness. Something I must do to set thia right, or else she'll hate, and he'll laugh at me. I must not lose him and my revenge too. Something that's mischief I am resolv'd to do. [Exit Parson. SCENE V. Enter Wild and Careless. Wild, Now is the Parson's wife so contempt- ible ? Care, No, but I'm so full of that resolution to dislike the sex, that I will allow none honest, none handsome. I tell thee, we must beat down the price with our selves ; court none of them, but let their maidenheads and their faces lie upon their hands, till they're weary of the com- modity; then they'll haunt us to find proper chapmen to deal for their ware. Wild, I like this, but 'twill be long a doing, and it may be ere they be forc'd to sell, our bank will be exhausted, and we shall not be able to purchase. Care. Ay, but we'll keep a credit, and at three six months, thou and the captain shall be my factors. Wild, You had best have a partner, « an undertaking would break a better bar'' yours. Care, No partners in such commodities^ factor that takes up maidenheads, 'tis op' own account still. Wild, But what coarse will you take t chase this trade with women ? Care. I am resolv'd to put on their own b4. and modesty, answer Forsooth, swear noi but God's nigs, and hold arguments of their cold [tenets, as if I believ'd there were no love below the line ; then sigh when 'tis pre and with fisrc'd studies betray the enemy, seeing my jeye fix'd on her, her vanity thiul am lost in admiration, calls and shakes me wake out of my design, and being coUa answer out of purpose. Love, divinest? who is it that is mortal and does not ? or w] amongst all the senate of the gods, can gaxe u those eyes, and carry thence die powa brought ? this will start her. Wild, Yes, and make her think thee mad Care. Why that's my design ; for then 1 1 too, and rub my eyes as if I wak'd; then and strangle a yawn, till I have wrung it tears, with which I rise as if o'ercome ' grief; then kiss her hands, and let iail tl witnesses of faith and love, brib'd for my def This takes ; for who would suspect such a < as craft and youth to live together ? Wild, But what kind of women da yoo r' this will take ? Care. All kind of women: those that < themselves handsome, it being probable,. elude it real ; and those that are handaoin their opinion, that small number will belief because it agrees with their wishes. Wild, And when you are gone, it may be i sigh, and their love breaks out into paper, what then ? Care. What then ? why then 111 laugb, shew thee their letters, and teach the work! easy 'tis to win any woman. Wild, This is the way ; and be sure to dii all but her you design for : be scarce dvi any of the sex besides. Care, That's mv meaning : but to her ik mean my prey, all her slave : she shall b< deity, and her opinion my religion. Wild, And while you sad it once to one, talk freer than a privileg'd fool, and swear as reasonably as losing gamesters, and abase for thinking to reclaim a woman by thy k call them all bowls thrown that will run wl they will run, and lovers like fools ran after tl " I*U awcoTy &c, — Paulo Purganti's wife has the same sentiment. She it thongfat the nation ne'er woo'd thrive, 'Till all the whores were burnt alive/' y KiLLEGRBW.] THE PARSON'S WEDDING. »71 crying, rub, and fly, for me ; I believe none fair, none handsome, none honest, bat the kind. Care, We roust make the captain of our plot, lest he betray us. This will gain us some re* venge upon tlie lovers to whom I grudge the wenches, not that I believe they're worth half the cost they pay for them : nnd we may talk, but 'tis not our opinion can make them happier or more miserable. Enter Jolly. Wild. Jolly ! Will, where hast thou been ? We had such sport with the parson of our town ; he's marry 'd this morning to Wanton. Joi, Who? the captain*s wench? he's in a good humour then. As you love mirth, let's find him ; I have news to blow his rage with, and 'twill be mirth to us, tq see him divided be- twixt the several causes of his anger, and lose himself in his rage while he disputes which is the ereater. Your opinion, gentlemen, Is this, or his wench, the greater loss ? Care. What nast thou there? pearl! they're false, I hope. . [Here he pulu out the pearl. Jot, Why do you nope so ? Care, Because I am thy friend, nnd would be loath to have thee hang'd fur stealing. JoL I will not swear they are honestly come by ; but I'll be sworn, there's neither force nor theft in 't. Wild, Pr'ythee, speak out of riddles ; here's none but your friends. JoL Faith, take it. You have heard the captain brag of an old lady, which he thinks he keeps close in a box ; but I know where hangs a key can let a friend in, or so. From her, mv brace of worthies, whose wits are duU'd with plenty this morning, with three good words, and ^or good deeds, I eani'd this toy. Care, The mirth yet we will all share. I am in pain till we find him, that we may vex liis "***' that he presumes so much on. Hid, Let s go, let's go ; I will desire him to me see his wench. I will not understand , if he savs she's gone. are, I'll beg of him, for old acquaintance i, to let me see his old lady. *L Hark ! I hear his voice.- ipt. Which way ? are. The game plays itself. Begin with him, c«l, while we talk as if we were busy. We'll take our cue. WUd. When I put off my hat. Enter Captain, '4tpt, 'Sblood I thought you had been sunk : ■M. nave been hunting you these four hours. Death, you mig^t ha' Tere word where you went, «nd not put me to hunt like Tom Fool. Tis ^^ell YOU are at London, where you know th« "^vay home. let *■« WUd, Why in choler? We have been all this while searching you. Come, this is nut on to divert me from claiming your promise: 1 must see the wench. Capt, You cannot, adad : adad, you cannot. Wild. I did not think you would have refus'd such a kindness. Care, What's that? Wild, Nothing; a toy : he refuses to shew roe his wench ! Care, The devil he does! What! have we been thus long comrades, and had all things in common, and must we now come to have com- mon wenches particular? I say, thou shalt see her, and lie with her too, if thou wilt. Jol, What! in thy dumps, brother? Call to thy aid thy two-edg'd wit. The captain sad ! 'tis prophetic : I'd as live have dreamt of pearl, or the loss of my teeth : yet, if he be musty, I'll warrant thee, Med, I'll help thee to a bout. I know his ctoak, his long cloak that hides her. I am acquainted with the parson, he shall befriend thee. Capt. Tis very well, gentlemen : but none of you have seen her yet ? Wild. Yes, but we have, by thyself, by thy anger, which is now bigger than thou. By chance we cross*d her comiiig from church, leading in her hand the parson, to whom she swore she was this day married. Jol, And our friendships were now guiding us to find thee out, to comfort thee after the trea- chery of thy Levite. Care, Come, bear it like a man ; there are more wenches. What hast tliou spy'd ? — [He gives no answer, hut peeps under Jolly's hat. Wild, His pear], I believe. Capt, Gentlemen, I see you are merry, I'll leave you : I must go a little way to enquire about a business. Wild, H'as got a sore eye, I think. Capt, I will only ask one question, and return. Care, No, faith, stay and be satisfied. Jol. Do, good brother; for I believe there is no question that you now would ask, but here** an oracle can resolve you. Capt, Are those p^arl true ? Jot, Yes. Capt, And did not you steal them ? Jol, No. Care, Nor he did not buy them with ready money, but took them upon mortgage of himself to an old lady. Jol, Dwelling at the sign of the Buck in Broad-street. Are you 8atisfy*d, or must I play the oracle still ? Capt, No, no ; I am satisfy'd. Jol, Like jealous men that take their wives at it, are you not ? Capi, Well, very well ; 'tis visible I am abus'd on all bands. But, gentlemen, why all I against me ? \ 37? THE PARSON'S WEDDING. [Kl£UBi Care, To let yon see your wit's mortal, and not proof against all. Wild, The parson bath shot it through with a jest. Capt, Gentlemen, which of you, faith, had a band in that ? Jol. Faith, none, only a general joy to find the captain ovei^reach'd. Capt. But, do you go sharers in the profit, as well as in the jest? Jol, No, faith, the toy's mine own. Capt, They are very fine, and you may afibrd a good penny-worth. Will you sell them ? JoL Sell them ! ay ; whereas a chapman ? Capt. Here ; 1*11 purchase them. Jot, Thou ! no, no, I have barr*d thee, by and main ; for I am resolv'd not to fight for them ; that excludes thy purchase by the sword ; and thy wench has proved such a loss, in thy last adventure of wit, that I'm afraid it will spoil thy credit that way too. Capt, Gentlemen, as a friend, let me have the refusal ; set your price. Wild. He's serious. Care. Leave fooling. Jol. Why, if thou could'st buy them, what would*st thou do with them ? Capt, They're very fair ones; let me see them; methinks they shc^ld match very well with these. Jol. These ! which ? Omnes. Which? Care, They are true. Capt. Yes, but not earn*d with a pair of stol'n verses, of, I was not born till now, This my first ni^ht, Aud so forsooth ; nor given as a cimrm agamst lust. Care. What means all this ? Jol, What ! why, 'tis truth, and it means to shame the devil. By this good day, he re- peats the same words with which I gather'd these pearls. Wild, Why then,, we have two to laugh at. Care, Aud all firiends hereafter; let's fool all together. Capt, Gentlemen with the fine wits, and my very good friends, do you, or you, or he, think I'll keep you company to make you laugh, but that I draw my honey from you too ? Care. Come, come, the captain's in the right. Capt. Yes, yes, the captain knows it, and dares tell you, your wit, your fortune, and his face, are but my plows ; and I would have my fine monsieur know, who, in spight of my counsel will be finer than his mistress, and appears be- fore her so curiously built, she dares not play with him, for fear of spoiling him ; and to let him know the truth I speak, to his fair hands I present this letter; but withal, give him to un- derstand, the contents belong to roe. [He reads the letter. Wild, The pearl are sent jLo me, Capt, I deny that, unless you prove you sent me ; for the letter begins, *^ Sir, this no.^. tleman, the bearer, whom you are pleasr make the messenger of your love," and so l And now you should do well to enquire for noble gentleman, and take an account of how he has laid out your love ; and it ma] he'll return you pearl for it. And now, ge men, I dare propose a peace, at least a o tion of wit (but what is defensive) till such as the plot which is now in my head be effe in which you have all your shares. Wild, So she knows I have not the pet am content. Capt. She'll quickly find that, when she you come not to-night according to my appo ment, and hears I have sold the pearL Jol. Here then ceaseth our offensive wak Capt, I'll give you counsel worth two n of pearl. Care. But the wench, how came the pi to get her ? Capt, Faith, *tis hard to say which labc most, he, or I, to make that match ; but knave did well. There it is, (if you assist,) I d to lay the scene of your mirth to-oight, for ] not yet fully reveng'd upon the rogue ; fbf I know him miserable is nothing, till he be* so too. Wanton and I have laid the plot Jol, Do you hold correspondence ? Capt, Correspondence ! I tell thee, the \ we laid to draw him on, would make a cor Enter a Servant, Scro, Sir, the ladies stay dinner. Jol, And as we go I'll tell you all thei and afler dinner be free from all en] ments, as we promised thee; and fbllon your directions, I'll warrant you mirth v pretty wench. Omnes, Agreed, any thing that breeds is welcome. Jol, Not a word at the widow*s ; let the on quietly, and steal their wedding too. Capt, I heard a bird sing, as if it were eluded amongst the couples. Wild, They have been long about it; n. is a girl deserves more haste to her bed ; h arriv'd there by carriers journies. Care, But that I hate wooing, by this day, I like your aunt so well, and her bun she should scarce be throwu away i^pon pale- that has sigh'd her into a wedding-ring, anc but double her jointure. Capt, Why, ay, thus it should be : pray I make them the seat of the war all dinner, continue united and true among ourselves, 1 we may defy all foreign danger. Jol. Aud with full bowls let us crown peace, and sing. Wit without war, no mirth doth bring. [Ext GBEW.] THE PARSON*S WEDDING. 373 SCENE VI. Enter Parson and Wantok. Was she deaf to your report? Yes, yes. The parson walks troubled up and down. And Ugly, her Abigail, she had her say Yes, yes. And do you walk here biting your nails ? think 1*11 be satisf/d with such a way of me?' What would*st have me do ? , Have you no gall ? be abus*d and at by a dull captaui, that a strict muster um tool I you bad wit, and could rail, offended you ; and none so sudden, none ble, none so sure in his revenge, when I »e you. Something 1*11 do. . Do it then, or I shall curse that e'er I u. Death ! let the sign of my lady, an 'ashion whore, that has pay'd for sin, ever ' yellow starch and wheel rardingales were )wn, let her abuse me, and say nothing ! msses— As Christ bless me, but I did (sweet- and if it were not church livings are moi> d they are always hitting me in the teeth man of your coat, she should find I am rcb-man within, nor Mr Parson, but in ;t. Come to dinner, and after dinner 1*11 ething. . I shall do something will vex somebody. Enter Bawd, d. Will you please to come to dinner? Dpany stays. . Come, let*s go in. I. No, I must walk a little to disgest this ist, the guests else will wonder to see I ubied.* . Come, let this day pass in mirth, spight :hief, for luck's sake. [Exit parson. I. ril follow you, and do what I can to be merry. fd. Why, he stands already. 0. Peace, let me alone, 1*11 make him like the miller's mare, and stand like the >w, till thou may*8t milk him. 9d. Pray break him of bis miserableness ; le of the chief exceptions I have against He reared a puppy once, till it was ten »l(l, with three hap'worth of m'dk, and then lis own dagger slew it, and made me dress ^st myself to see him eat it, and he bid me le litter, and swore it was sweeter and wholsomer than sucking rabbets, or London pigs, which he call*d Belmen*s issue. [Parson calls within. Why, sweet^heart ! Wan. Ilark ! he calls me. We must humous him a little, he'll rebel else. SCENE vn. Enter (at the windows) the Widow and Master Careless, Mistress Pleasant and Master WiLn, Captain, Master Sad, Constant, Jolly, Secret : a table and knroes ready for oysters. Wid. You're welcome all, but especially Mas- ter Jolly ; no reply, with I thank your ladyship. Plea. I beseech you, sir, let us never be better acquainted. [She speaks to Mr Jollt. Jol. I shall endeavour, lady, and fail in no^ thing that is in my power to disoblige you ; for there is none more ambitious of your ill opinioa than I. Plea. I rejoice at it ; for the less love, the better welcome still. Wid. And as ever you had an ounce of love for the widow, be not friends among yuurseivea; Wild. Aunt, though we were at strife when we were alone, yet now we unite like a politick state against the common enemy. Plea. The common enemy ! what is that? Wild. Women, and lovers in general. Wid. Nay, then we have a party, niece; claim quickly, now is the time, according to the proverb ; keep a thing seven years, and then if thou hast no use on*t, throw*t away. Plea. Agreed, let's challenge our servants ; by the love they have profess'd, they cannot in ho- nour refuse to join with us ; and see where they come ! Enter Sad and Constant, and meet Secret^ she whispers this to Sad. Sec. Sir, 'tis done. Sad. Be secret and grave, I'll warrant oar de- sign will take as we can wish. Con. Sweet Mistress Pleasant ! Wid. Servant, Sad. Sad. Madam. Wid. We are threatened to have a war wag'4 against us ; will you not second us ? Sad. With tnese youths we'll do enough^ madam. Wid. I'll swear my servant gave hit for hit this morning, as if he had been a master in Che noble science of wit. Plea. Mine laid about him with spik and span new arguments, not like the same man, his old sayings and precedents laid by. Kelloto «farcA.— See Note 25 to Albumazar, A. 2. S. 1. Dodsley's Old Plays/ Vol. VIL p. J 56, 1780. ?: 374 THE PARSON'S WEDDING. [KlLLBl Wid, Thus ann*d, tlien, we'll stand and defy tbero. Wild. Where's your points ? sure, aunt, this should be your wedding-day, for you have taken the man for better for worse. Wid, No, neptiew, this will not prove the day that we shall either give or take a ring. Care. Hang me, if I know you can go back again with your honour. Wild. Or injustice refuse him liberty, that has serv'd out his time ; either marry him or provide for him, for he is maim'd in your service. Wid. Why, servant Sad, youMl arm ? my ne- phew hasr thrown the first dart at you. Capi. Hast hit, hast hit? Wild, No, captain ; 'twas too wide. Capt, Too wtde! marry, he's an ill marks- man that shoots wider than a widow. Jol, We are both in one hole, captain ; but I was loth to venture my opinion, lest her ladyship should think I was angry ; for I have a good mind to fall upon the widow. Plea. You're a constant man. Master Jolly; yon have been in that mind this twelve-months day. Con. You are in the right, madam ; she has it to shew under his hand, but she will not come in the list with him again ; she tlirew him the last year. Wid. Come, shall we eat oysters? Who's there? Call for some wine, Master Jolly; you are not warm yet. Pray be free, you are at home. Jol. Your ladyship is merry. Wid, You do not take it ill, to have me assure you, you are at home here ? Wild. Such another invitation (though in jest) will take away Master Sad's stomach. [Ousters not brought in yet. Sad, No, faith, Neq, though she should take him, it will not take away my stomach ; my love is so fix'd, I may wish my wishes, but she shall uever want them to wait upon hers. Plea. A traytor, bind him, has pull'd down a side. Profess your love thus pubhck ? ^ Jol. Ay, by my faith, continue Master Sad, give it out, you love, and call it a new love, a love never seen before; we*ll all come to it as your friends. Sad. Gentlemen, still I love : and if she to whom I thus sacrifice will not reward it, yet the worst malice can say, is, I was unfortunate ; and misfortune, not fnlsbood, made me so. Jol. In what chapter shall we find this written, and what versei you should preach with a me- thod, Master Sad. Wid, Gentlemen, if ever he spoke so much dangerous sense before (either of love or rea- son) hang me. Sad. Madam, my love is no news where you are; know, your scorn has made it publick; and though it could gain no return from you, yet others have esteemed me for the faith and con- suncy I have pay'd here. Plea. Did not I foretell you of hnw, foresaw this danger : shall I nerer live to tr and love dwell together ? Capt. I am but a poor soldier, and yet. reach'd to the honour of being a lover; yet my own observations, Master Sad, tai truth: Tis a folly to believe any woman lo man for being constant to another : tbey dk ble their hearts only, and hate a man ie*' worse than a wencher. Jol. And they have reason ; for if thej the crace to be kind, he that loves tbe sex be theirs. Care. When your constant lover, if a w( have a mind to him, and be blest with to fl grace to discover it : he, out of the noUe take of honour, hates her for it, and tells it chance, and preaches reason to her passioB, cries. Miserable beauty, to be so unfortuoai to inhabit in so much frailty ! Capt. This counsel makes her hate him r than she lov'd before. These are troublet I that love are subject to ; while we look on laugh, to see both thus slav'd while we are Care. My prayers still shall be. Lord de me from love. Capt. Tis plague, pestilence, fiimine, s« and sometimes sudden death. Sad. Yet I love, I must love, I will love, I do love. Capt. In the present tense. [i Wid, No more of this argument, for m. Capt, By any means, madam, give him 1< to love : and you are resolv'd to walk tied d your own arms, with your love as visible in ] face, as your mistress's colours in yoar 1 that any porter at Charing-cross may take like a letter at the carrier's, and having rea<] superscription, deliver Master Sad to the hands of mistress or my lady such a one, ly at the sign of the hard heart. Pica, And she, if she has wit, (as I bef she hath,) will scarce pay the post for the ] quet. • Wid. Treason ! how now, niece, join wid enemy ? [They give the Captaim i Capt. A health, Ned, what shall I call i Care. To Master Sad ; he needs it that ai himself a lover. Sad, Gentlemen, you have the advantage, time, the place, tlie company ; but we may a when your wits shall not have such advantagi my love. Plea, No more of love, I am so sick on't. Con, By your pardon, mistress, I roust i leave love thus unguarded ; I vow myself hb 1 lower. Jol, Much good may love do him. Give i a glass of wine here. Will, let them keep pany with the blind boy, give us his mother, aod let them preach again : Hear that will, he hif good luck, perswades me 'tis 9n ugly sin to 6 with a handsome woman. IGBEW.} THE PARSON'S WEDDING. 375 A pox upon my ourse, she frighted 'hen I was young,, with stories of the de- as almost fourteen ere I could prevail ssous to unbind my reason, it was so • ihith and conscience ; she made me be- ne was an evil spirit, and fornication like re of Babylon, a fine face, but a dragon er petty-coats ; and that made me have to peep under all I met since. Fie, fie, for shame, do not talk so; are asham*d to glory in sin, as if variety of were none ? iladam, we do not glory in fornication ; I thank God, I cannot live without a Why, does your ladyship think it a sin th variety of handsome women ? if it be, were the wicked*st man in the company. You have been mark'd for an indifferent bat way, captain. Who I ? no faith, I was a fool ; but ere to begin again, I would not do as I »ne. I kept one; but if ever I keep , hang me : nor would I advise any friend to do it. Vhy, I am sure 'tis a provident and safe man may always be provided and sound. Fie upon this discourse. Those considerations betray*d me: a is a dull sin to travel, like a carrier's Iways one road. Fie, captain, repent for shame, and Your ladyship would have said, marry, ent; no, though it be not the greatest , yet it is better than marrying; for am weary of her, my unconstancy is virtue, and I shall be said to turn to Beware of women for better for worse; vicked nature, when her sport is lawful, might: therefore, rather than marry, rench. *aith, be is in the right; for 'tis the same mimber and kind ; and then the sport Mied, and made poignant with sin. Yet 'tis a fault, faith; and I'll persuade riends from it; especially here where (vation is dangerous. Twas the new- he sin that made me suffer in the opi- ny friends ; and I was condemned by all people; not that I sinn'd, but that I > more. Why ay, badst thou been wicked in and privily lain with every body, their iild have made them protect thee: so be more wicked is to be innocent, at f. A wicked world. Lord help us ! But being particular to her, and not in * subject to it ; taking an antidote ev*ry , before I venture into those infectious here love and beauty dwell; this en- le maiden beauties of the time, who it a pr^ndice to their beauties to see me careless, and securely pass bv their conquer- ing eyes; my name being found amongst none of those that deck'd their triumphs. But frdm this, 'tis easy to be safe; for their pride will not let them love, nor mjf leisure me. Then the old ladies that pay for their pleasures : they, upon the news, behetcf me with their natural frowns, de- spairing when their money could not prevail; and hated me when they heard that I for my pleasure would pay as large as they. Jol, Gentlemen, take warning: a fee from every man; for by this day, there's strange counsel in this confession. Wild, Captain, you forget to pledge Mr Care- less ! Here, will you not drink a cup of wine i Wlio's there? Bring the oysters. Capt, Yes, madam, if you please. Wild, Proceed, captain. Plea, Fie, Mr Wild, are you not asham'd to encourage him to this filthy discourse ? Capt, A glass of wine then, and I'll drink to all the new-married wives that grieve to think at what rate their fathers purchase a little husband. These, when they lie tnirsting for the thing they paid so dear for Enter a Servant with Oysteri. Care* These, methinks, should be thy friends, and point thee out as a man for them. Capt, Yes, till the faithful nurse cries; Alas, madam, he keeps such a one, he has enough at home. Then she swells with envy and rage against us both ; calls my mistress uely, com- mon, unsafe ; and me, a weak secure fool. Jol, These are strange truths, madam. Wid, Ay, ay; bat these oysters are a better jest. Capt, But she's abus*d that will let such rea- son tame her desire, and a fool in love's school ; else she would not be ignorant that variety is such a friend to love, that he which rises a sunk coward from the lady's bed, would find new fires at her maid's : nor ever yet did tlie man want fire, if the woman would bring the fuel. Plea, For God's sake, leave this discourse. Wid, The captain has a mind we should eat no oysters. Wild, Aunt, we came to be merry, and we will be merry, and you shall stay it out; proceed, captain. Wid, Fie, captain, I am asham'd to hear you talk thus: marnr, and then you will have a better opinion of women. Coft, Marry ! yes, this knowledge will invite me : it is a good encouragement, is it not, think you? What is your opinion? Were not these marriages made in heaven ! By this good day, all the world is mad, and makes haste to befool'd, but we foor : and I hope, there's none of us be* lieves there has any marriages been made ia heaven since Adam. Jol, By my faith, 'tis thought the devil gave the ring there too. % ,* 376 THE PARSON'S WEDDING. [KfliXEGft Wid, Nephew, IMl swear, III be gone. Capt. Hold her, Ned, [He points at Sad,] she goes not yet ; there's a fourth kind of women that concerns her more than all the rest, ecce signum — She is one of those, who,'cloathM in purple, triumph over their dead husbands; these will be catch'd at first sight, and at first sight must be caught. Tis a bird that must be shot flying, for they never sit. If a man delay, they cool, and fall into considerations of jointure, and friends opinion ; in which time, if she heat's thou keep'st a wench, thou hadst better be a beggar in her opinion; for then her pride, it may be, would betray her to a vanity of setting up a proper man (as they call it) ; but for a wencher, no argument prevails with your widow; for she believes they have spent too much that way, to be able to pay her due benevolence. Wid. As I live, I'll be gone, if you speak one word more of this uncivil subject. Jol, Captain, let me kiss thy cheek, for that widow. You understand this, widow ? I say no more. Here, captain, here's to thee. As it goes down, a pox of care. Wid, Jesus ! Mr Jolly, have you no observa- tions of the court, that are so affected with this of the town ? Con, Faith, they say, there's good spoH there sometimes. Plea, Mr Jolly is afiraid to let us partake of his knowledge. JoL No, &ith, madam. - Capt, By this drink, if he stay till I have eaten a few more, I'll describe it. Jol. What should I say ? Tis certain the court is the bravest place in the kingdom for sport, if It were well look'd to, and the game preserv'd fair; but as 'tis, a man may sooner make a set in the Strand : and it will never be better whilst your divine lovers inhabit there. Care, Let the king make me master of the game. Capt, And admit us laity-lovers. Jot. 1 would he would ; for as 'tis, there's no hopes amongst the ladies : besides, 'tis such an example to see a kine and queen good husband and wife, that to be kmd will grow out of fashion. Capt, Nay, that's not all; for the women grow malicious, because they are not courted : nay, they bred all the last mischiefs, and call*d the king's chastity a neglect of them. Jol, Thou art m the right : an Edward or a Harry, with seven queens in buckram, that haagbt among the men, aiid stroak'd the women. are the monarchs they wish to bow to: love no tame princes, but lions in the fores Capt. Why, and those were properly < the fathers of their people, that were in akin to their nobility : now they wear oat youth and beauty, without hope of a m mental ballad, or trophy of a libel that i hereafter point at such a lord, and cry, tfa the royal son of such a one. Jol. And these were the ways that made t powerful at home : for the city is a kind oft beast ; you may lead her by the horns any ther, if you but tickle them m the ear soroetii Queen Bess, of famous memory, had the t on't : and I have heard them say, in eigbty-d ere I was born, as well as I can remember, rode to Tilbury on that bonny beast, the ma Capt. 1 would I might counsel him, I'd so form the court. Care, Never too soon; for now, who stranger comes in, and spies a covey of beao would make a fiiulconer unhood, before be draw his leash he is wam'd that's a mark'd ] tridge ; and that, and every he, has by their ample a particular she. Wild. By this light, the six fair maids si like the working-days in the almanack ; one ' A scored upon her breast, that is as muc say, I belong to such a lord ; the next wit for an elder brother; C, fur such a knight] possess'd with melancholy, and at her breast may knock an hour ere you get an answer, then she'll tell you, there's no lodging there; has a constant fellow courtier that has takei all her heart to his own use : in short, ail dispos'd of but the good mother ; and she cc in like the Sabbatli at the week's end ; a warrant her to make any one rest that comi her. Care, Ay, marry, if she were like the. sabbath, it were somewhat; but this looks li broken commandment, that has had more i done upon her, than all the week beside. Capt. And what think you, b not this fii carried? you that are about the king, coc him, if he will hate his sport fair, he musi the game be free, as it has been in former a then a stranger that has wit, good means, handsome cToaths, no sooner enters the | chamber, and beats about with three gnu ^° legs, but he springs a mistress that daoc well as he, sung better, as free as fair; tha first sight could speak, for wit b always quainted : these fools most be akin ere they ' ^ Leg8.^B0ws. Dekkar's Wonderful Yeare 1603. *^ Janus (that beares two hicta imder one h made a very mannerly Icwe legge,** &c. Ibid: ** He calb forth one by one, to note their graces ; Whibt they make legs, he copies out their races." KlLLEGBBW.J THE PARSON'S WEDDING. 377 «pedc; and now friends make the bargain, and toe? CO to bed ere they know why. JoL Faith, he's in the right ; you shall have a buzzard now hover and beat after a pretty wench, tiU she is so weary of him she's forc*d to take her bed for covert, and find less danger in being truss'd than in flying. Capt, And what becomes of all this pudder? after he has made them sport for one night, to see him touze the quarry, he carries her into the country, and there they two fly at one another till they are weary. Care. And all this mischiefcomesof love and constancy ; we shajl never see better days till there be an act of pari lament against it; enjoin- ing husbands not to till their wives, but change and lay Uiem fallow. Jol. A pox, the women will never consent to it; they'll be till'd to death first. Wid, Gentlemen, you are very bold with the Capt. Faith, madam, it is our care of them ; why you see they are married at fourteen, yield a crop and a half, and then die; 'tis merely their love that destroys *em ; for if they get a good husband, the poor thiuKS yield their very hearts. P/ea. And do you blame their loves, gen- tlemen ? Jol, No, not their love, but their discretion ; let them love, and do, a God's name; but let them do with discretion. Wild. But how will yon amend this ? Jol. Instead of two beds and a physician, I'd bave the state prescribe two wives and a mistress. Wild. Ho ! it will never be granted ; the state is made up of old men, and they find work enough with one. Jol. We will petition the lower house, there are young men, and (if it were but to be fac- tious) would pass it, if they thought the upper house would cross it ; besides, they ought to do it. Death ! they provide against cutting down old trees, and preserving highways and post- horses, and let pretty wenches run to decay. I Care. Why may it not come within the statute of depopulation ? As I live, the state ought to take care of those pretty creatures : be you judge, madam, is 't not a sad sight to see a rich young beauty, with all her innocence and blos- soms on, subject to some rough rude fellow, that ploughs her, and esteems and uses her as a chattel, till she is so lean, a man may find as good grass upon the common, where it may be she'll sit coughing with sunk eyes, so weak that a boy (with a dog) that can but whistle, may keep a score of them ? Wid. You are strangely charitable to our sex on a sudden. Capt. I know not wljat they are ; but, for my part, I'll be a traytor ere I'll look on, and see beauty go thus to wreck t it is enough custom has made us suffer them to be inclos'd : I am sure they were created common, and for the use of man, and not intended to be subject to jealousy and choler, or to be bought or sold, or let for term of lives or years, as they are now, ^' or else sold at out-crys; oh yes ! who'll give most, take her. Wid. Why do not some of you excellent men marry, and mend all these ierrors by your good example? Jol. Because we want fortunes to buy rich wives, or keep poor ones, and be loath to get be^rs, or whores, as well as I love 'em. Flea. Why are all their children so that have no fortune, think you ? Jol. No, not all : ** I have heard of Whitting- ton and his cat, and others, that have made for- tunes by strange means ; but I scarce believe my son would rise from hope, a halfpenny, and a lamb's-skin; and the wenches, commonly having more wit and beauty than money, foreseeing small portions, grow sad, and read romances, till their wit spy some unfortunate merit like their own, without money too, and they two sigh after one another till they grow mysterious in colours, and become n proverb for their con- stancy; and when their love has worn out the ^' ror else sold ai ottt-€ry$. — Outcry was the ancient term for an auction. As io Massiugcr's Ciiy Madam, A. 1. S* 3 : *' The i^oods of this poor man sold at an out-cry^ His wife tum'd out of doors, his children forc'd To beg their bread." Midd]etOD*s Ckast Mayd in Cheape-ndey p. 41 : ^ I'll sell aU at an ovd<ry:* Ben Jonson'f Catiline, A. i2. S. Se *' Their houses, and fine gardens, given away. And all their goods, under the spear at out-cry," Upon which last passage Mr Whalley observes, that " the Roman way of selling things by auction, was setting up a spear ; and hence the phrase sub hasta tendere," ** I have heard of WhiHington and his «tf .— See Evanses CoUectUm qf Old Ballads, Vol. I. p. i9i. ' vou in. 3 b S78 THE PARSON'S WEDDING. [KiLLEGREW. cause, marry, in the end, a new couple; then, I one time; and if ever I invite you to dinner grown asham*d of tlie knowledge they so long I again, punish me with such another discourse: hunted, at length part by consent, and vanish into Abigail and governor. Wid. Well, gentlemen, excuse me for this in the mean time |et*s go in and dine, meat stays for us, [Exeunt nmna. ACT HI. SCENE I. Enter all from Dinner* Capt, Faith, madam, we were resolv'd to he merry ; we have not met these three years till to-day, and at the Bear we meant to have din'd ; and since your ladyship would have our com* £any, you must pardon our humour. Here, Ir Sad, here's the widow's health to you. Wid. Nephew, hotv do you dispose of your- self this afternoon ? Wild. We have a design we must pursue, which will rid you of all this troublesome com- pany ; and we 11 make no excuse, because you peeped into our privacies to day. Care. Your humble servant, ladies ; gentle- men, we'll leave you to pursue your fortunes. [Exit Careless. JoL Farewell, widow : may st thou live un- married till thou run*st away with thyself. [Exit Jolly. Capt. No, no, when that day comes, com- mand the humblest of your servants. [Exit Captain, Wild, Farewell, aunt; sweet Mistress Plea- sant, I wish you good fortune. [Exit Wild. Wtd. Farewell, farewell, gentlemen; niece, now if we could be rid of these troublesome lovers too, we would go see a play. [Aside, Plea, Rid of them ! why, they are but now in season ; as I live, I would do as little to give mine content as any she in town, and yet I do not grudge him the happiness of carrying me to a play. Wid, Ay, but the world will talk, because they pretend ; and then we shall be sure to meet my nephew tliere, and his wild company, and they will laugh to see us together. Plea, Who will you have, Tim the butler, or Formal your gentleman-usher? I would take Philip the foreman of the shop as soon. Wid, Let's mask ourselves, and take Secret, and go alone by water. Flea. Yes, and follow her like one of my aunts of the suburbs ; it is a good way to know what you may yield in a market ; for Til undertake, there are those shall bid for you before the play will be done. Sec. As I live, madam, Mrs Pleasant is in the right ; I had such a kindness offer'd me once, and I came to a price with him in knavery; and hang me, if the rogue was not potting the earnest of his affection into my hand. Wid. Let's go to the glass-house then. Plea, I'll go to a play ^ith my servant, and so shall you ; hang opinion ; and we'll go to the glass-house afterwards ; it is too hot to sap early. 5ec. Pray, madam, go; they say 'tis a fine play, aud a knight writ it. Plea. Pray let Secret prevail, I'll propose it to the lovers ; in the mean time go you, and bid the coachman make ready the coach. [Secret whispers Sad, 'twill take. Sec. Alas, madam ! he's sick, poor feliow, and gone to bed ; he could not wait at dinner. Wid. Sick? Plea, Why, see how all things work for the young'men, either their coach, or a foot ! — Mr Constant, what think you of seeing a play this afternoon ? is it not too hot to venture, this in- fectious time ? Con. Fie, madam, there's no danger ; the bill decreas'd twenty last week. Sad, I swear, they say, 'tis a very good play to-day. Wid. Shall we go, niece? Plea. Faith 'tis hot, and there's no body but we. Sad. Do's that hinder? pray madam, grudge us not the favour of venturing yourself in oor company. Wid. Come, leave this ceremony. Ill go in, and put on my mask ; Secret shall bring yoon. Plea. No, I'll go, and put it on within. [Exeunt omnet. SCENE IL £n/fr Wild, Careless, Captain^ and Joiir, ' Care, By this day, you have nettled tbe widow. - Wild. The captain neglected his dinner for bis mirth, as if he had forgot to eat. Jol, When did he oversee his drinking so ? Capt. Gentlemen, still it is my fortune to make your worships mernf. Wild, As I live, Captam, I subscribe, and an content to hold my wit as a tenant to thee; and to-ni(/lit I'll invite you to supper, where it shall not be lawful to speak till thou hast victuai'd thy man of war. 4EOREW.] THE PARSON^S WEDDING. ,379 f. Sball's be merry ? whiit shall we have ? /. liair a score dishes of iDeut, choose ourself. f. Provide me then the chines fry'dy and non calver'd, a carp, and black sauce, T in the blood, and an assembly of wood- and jack-snipes, so fat you would think nd their winding-sheets on; and upon as their pages, let me have ' wait your wheat-ear, with a feather in his cap; over :h let our countryman, general Chine of ommand: I hate your French pottage, )l:s as the cook-knaid had more luind in it e cook. !. rU promise you all this. . And let me alone to cook the fish. . You cook it ! no, no, I left an honest n town, when I went into Italy, signior ) Ligoues, one of the ancient house of aenian ambassadours ; if he be alive, he ^ our cook. . Is he excellent at it ? . Excellent ! You shall try, you shall try ; tell you, I saw him once dress a shooing- nd a joyner's aprou, that the company *asant for it. !. A shooing-horn ? . Yes, a sbooing-hom ; marry, there was in the sauce. . Is this all you would have? . This, and a bird of paradise, td entcr- * rest of the night, and let me alone to er. 