ups float32 0 85.2k | num_comments float32 0 4.51k | upvote_ratio float32 0 1 | score float32 0 85.2k | documents stringlengths 3 32k | tldr stringlengths 1 2.32k | title stringlengths 2 289 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1,206 | 129 | 0.97 | 1,206 | this was yesterday. my birthday. got a cool new book from my friend, it is a book of photos from a bookseller who finds odd stuff that people left in old books. while reading this book on stuff left in books, i suddenly had a flashback to last year this time, my uncle gave me a graphic novel i never got around to, but ... | got a book about stuff in books, remembered i had $100 stashed in a book, found gfs ultrasound instead. it wasn't mine. | reading |
3 | 0 | 1 | 3 | so, last week my boss asks me if i can go with him to another city do a job for a company that has ties with one of our local clients. normally we work remotely in this situation, but this required a hands on visit that would couldn't farm out to another company.
i check with the wife, and everything is fine with ... | forgot i didn't have photo id because my license had been renewed, and tried to get on a plane for a work trip anyway. | not remembering it was my birthday a little while ago. |
7 | 3 | 0.88 | 7 | so this actually happened today. so i'm in work and it hits lunch time. made a big pot of chilli last night, so brought in remainder of said chilli and some pitta breads for lunch today and left it in the car. i normally have lunch in work but had to make a few calls at lunch, so write down the numbers of the people i ... | locked car keys, house keys, bank card and lunch in my car, probably going to default on my insurance and have it cancelled, missed an afternoon of work and broke my front door for no reason. | locking shit, breaking shit, skipping shit and defaulting shit. |
184 | 29 | 0.94 | 184 | here we go. the most embarrassing moment of my life. it was thirteen or so years ago, but someone from another thread said i should post it here after i posted it in an askreddit about noise disturbance police calls.
not a cop, but a caller. a snitch. a dirty rat, or what have you. about thirteen years ago i was livin... | i was falling asleep. heard a door slam and thought it was a gunshot. called 911 and made a guy's already shitty night a whole lot worse. he went to jail for the night despite no wrongdoing on his part. | activating a swat team |
7 | 10 | 0.82 | 7 | it actually happened a week ago. i live in france and i'd like to go abroad ( university of montreal ( the french one ) next year to study economics. at my university we had meetings with professionnals who told us what to do ( the paperwork, the requirements etc.. ) 2 months ago. they told those who want to go to cana... | chose to go to montreal, thought i needed the ielts, paid 175€ for it, forgot the date, didn't attend it, eventually learn that i didn't need to register for it | wasting 175€ twice |
11,756 | 466 | 0.86 | 11,756 | earlier today, mothers birthday was going on. as we're all sitting around (roughly 15 people) my mom starts telling a story about me and sibling when we were younger.
as the stories go on, she gets to one of me as a baby;
"he hated wear clothes, i couldn't ever get him to keep anything on" (etc)
so, being the jok... | i made a joke about being naked as a baby, knocked myself out and had to lay in my shame. | making a joke |
105 | 17 | 0.91 | 105 | so for the last few days there has been a huge stream of ants that have crawled out from a hole in front of my brother's room, which is in front of my room. we managed to locate the source of where the ants were coming from and we plugged the hole up, but the damn ants still kept pouring in. i was about fed up having t... | tried to burn ants, almost burned the house down | playing with ants |
0 | 0 | 0.33 | 0 | so me, my granny and aunt were going to the mall. i took a nice cold shower before going. i always had problems picking up shampoo specifically and i always throw my shit up and down to play with it. so when we got to the health store i picked up shampoo, so my dumb ass thought it was a smart idea to throw my stuff up ... | i kept on throwing a bottle of shampoo in the air, dropped and broke it causing me to clean up the shampoo with tissues, bonus points someone thought i was a dumbass and people thought my tissues were something other than shampoo. | picking up shampoo. |
215 | 77 | 0.91 | 215 | first of all i’m not a native speaker so please excuse any mistakes i make.
i live in germany and met my girlfriend at university, we were not long together (like 2 months) and our relationship went a little bit downhill but i really liked this girl and wanted to make up for some shit i’ve done. it was at the beginnin... | wanted to visit girlfriend in strasbourg, miss the first bus, book for the next bus, cant message my girlfriend to tell her about it, booked the for the wrong date. busdriver sells me ticket on the bus for the tripled price, i arrive late in strasbourg. she isn't there anymore, send her from a police officer an sms to ... | wanting to visit my now ex-girlfriend in straßbourg |
3 | 3 | 0.8 | 3 | today at work was a incredibly slow day and i was walking around the store and found a dollar, so i looked around and didn't see anybody so i pick up the dollar and put it in my pocket. if anybody comes to guest services i'll give it back.
well 15 minutes later i go on lunch and during my lunch i remembered i had ... | tried to insert taped dollar into vending machine, vending machine didn't like it. | breaking a vending machine. |
15 | 5 | 0.82 | 15 | against tifu tradition, this actually did happen today. for background, i'm 18 and am staying with my grandmother for personal reasons, and today my mother decided to take me and my three siblings out to a family dinner. i, being the massive dweeb that i am, had been playing with my throwing knives (yes, i own[ed] thro... | i forgot it was a friends birthday, tried to show her my cool throwing knives, and was too nice to correct her when she assumed they were a present. | being bad at phrasing and accidentally giving someone a birthday present |
9 | 4 | 0.86 | 9 | so this happened about a week ago and i usually don't share or post stuff like this, but i'm over it now and figured if i got a laugh out of it it's worth a shot. anyway, let me just start by saying i am definitely not a morning person, but i somehow managed to get morning classes at uni.
i somehow awoke before my ala... | woke up early to a nasty roach on the wall. tried to kill it with a manly leap smack with a shoe and failed miserably bruising me in the process. 3/10 would not try again. | trying to kill a cockroach |
82 | 27 | 0.89 | 82 | so, this fuck up happened about 2 years ago, and i'm sorry if my grammer is retarded haha.
anyway, when i was 14 years old, i was going to a family wedding.
we arrived, and after all the ceremonies of the couple getting married, we sat down for the wedding dinner.
i ate some steak, and some mashed potatoes, but me be... | went to a wedding, got bored, challenged myself to eat a random pepper which ended up being the carolina reaper, did it and put myself in horrible pain for about 4 days. | eating the carolina reaper pepper |
3 | 0 | 0.86 | 3 | so, this happened a few years ago at my parent's house. i was crashing there, taking a shower, nobody home; nice uneventful evening really, was getting rdy to get out, friday night etc...
the thing is, the bathtub were i was showering was clogged (damn long hair...) and water would flush down the drain really slowly. s... | dont try to play plumber and unclog stuff in your parents house, unless you like floods. | i tried to play plumber and unclog a bathtub full of water |
14 | 5 | 0.93 | 14 | so this actually happened 2 years go, summer in 2015. i was a international student doing a 6 week "pre-college" program (basically a summer program) at the rhode island school of design in providence, rhode island.
anyways, so i arrive in boston where my uncle lives, collected some basic things i needed to survive th... | went on a summer program, as a international student, with a credit card that didn't have my name on it, tried to use it at staples, was denied and the "po-po" were almost called. almost cried, the counter lady used the card anyway and let me go. | using my uncle's credit card. |
116 | 18 | 0.86 | 116 | tifu when my boyfriend was sitting in his computer chair, we were goofing around a bit and i ended up sliding onto the ground. both of us are fully clothes, i thought it'd be sexy to nibble on his thighs while making my way to his crotch. he was sitting with his legs apart so his jeans were stretched across his crotch,... | trying to be sexy by nibbling my boyfriend's thighs, accidentally chomped down on his foreskin. | accidentally chomping my boyfriend's foreskin |
44 | 14 | 0.89 | 44 | my girlfriend and i decided to go out on a date before school started and she chose to go roller skating at some roller rink. good choice, i was ready.
we both arrived at around 11:50 (the place opened at 12:00) and talked for a few minutes before they let us in. i rented both of us skates and then we started to get ... | took my girlfriend out rollerskating and broke her leg playing a game. | breaking my girlfriend's leg |
26 | 16 | 0.87 | 26 | so i had job interview lined up for an entry level tech position (not my background but want to get into the industry; i have a background in writing) and got a gmail invite for the in-person interview. at this point i've already done a phone interview and a little test assignment which i feel i've knocked out of the p... | didn't notice job interview was scheduled in utc time - missed interview. | not knowing what coordinated universal time was - missed job interview |
5 | 1 | 0.86 | 5 | tifu my birthday. this happened yesterday but i am still recovering from the stress that plagued me on my "special" day. so to start it off i have been sick for the last week and a half with nausea and vomiting. i have been to the doctor like 4 times and each time they have not had conclusive results. so waking up on ... | tifu my birthday by crashing into a very nice and undeserving lady, being late to work and potentially having a gi tract issue that should not be happening in my 20's. | my birthday |
7 | 4 | 0.72 | 7 | i'm currently writing this before going into work so sorry for any typos or whatever.
today for lunch i had some homemade spicy shrimp before i went into work. immediately after i had to pop a squat on the good old porcelain throne.
while sitting and observing my kingdom, and browsing reddit i neglected to thoroughl... | burned my butt hole after eating spicy shrimp and forgetting to thoroughly wash my hands. | eating spicy shrimp and setting my butt hole a blaze |
3,861 | 196 | 0.91 | 3,861 | (posted as a comment but someone told me i should make my own thread. also happened long long ago) i was at a girlfriends house when i was 16. this was the girl i lost my virginity to and us being teens we where testing the boundaries of what we could get away with (being as her mom was home). i never saw the tube of i... | my first love thought icy hot would be a funny way to give a handy | trusting a 16 year old girl with my junk |
25 | 2 | 0.84 | 25 | so this happened yesterday. i was going down quite a steep off road hill, where i can easily reach 50-60 mph. i feel myself shifting around on my seat so i stand up at top speed so i can reset it. the way i was holding on to my handle bars and pedals allowed the bike to jump up and down without me myself moving a lot (... | tried going downhill on my bike, end up smashing my balls and crashing. | smashing my balls with a bicycle. |
55 | 19 | 0.85 | 55 | as per the trend in this sub, i will start by saying this actually happened a few years ago.
i came in to the office to meet with some of my overnight team members who had been having a conflict.
one of the team members, the one who was causing most of the problems, was being super mouthy and passive aggressive durin... | i texted the guy i just fired thinking it was my fiancé. he took that text and sent it to the owner of the company claiming i was taunting him. | texting the guy i just fired |
5 | 3 | 0.83 | 5 | this fu actually happened yesterday but i'm sitting in the repair shop waiting room right now, so it's possibly still ongoing. i was getting my vehicle ready for a vacation road trip and saw i had some new wiper blades that i had purchased a few months prior that i had never gotten around to installing. i removed the o... | cracked my windshield right before vacation-inconvenient timing and expense. | cracking my windshield while changing wiper blades. |
0 | 9 | 0.41 | 0 | now i know what you're thinking, huh... i've seen a similar title like this before. i'm sure this poor man sent an explicit object to an unsuspecting adolescent. on the contrary, it was i who was the victim. have you ever watched a movie or tv show wherein a female lead has trust issues because she was lied to or cheat... | i felt bad for a father wanting to send his son a gift for his birthday and it turned i was dealing with a colossal case of fraud and was cheated of $360 worth of merchandise and shipping fees. | sending a birthday present to a "child" |
36 | 6 | 0.76 | 36 | about 2 weeks ago, i was driving my old 96 diesel dodge over some unpaved land when i suddenly began to notice my transmission was having trouble shifting gears. i got off and discovered that i had hit something and busted my quick connect off my transmission line. so i left my truck there and walked home.
so fast for... | i installed a new quick connector on a transmission line and forgot to put the truck in park. almost got run over by my own truck and got covered in transmission fluid and blood. made it back home and scared the crap out of my family because they thought i was getting murdered. | my family |
9 | 4 | 0.86 | 9 | for a twist, this actually happened today! it started when a wind storm came over my city , and my neighborhood was really noisy from the wind.i was busy cooking some steak and mushrooms, my father finishing his meal and my mother heading to work from the garage when we heard a huge crash.
i immediately stopped cookin... | tree fell down in the front yard while i was cooking. while cutting it into manageable pieces to get it out of the road, i needed to bounce at the top to help split it. however , it snapped at a previous cut , and i fell, slicing my arm, hurting my ankle , and upsetting my girlfriend before her birthday because i'm an ... | jumping on a fallen tree in front of my neighbors |
181 | 42 | 0.94 | 181 | so three weeks ago, i moved to a new city after being offered my dream position at a company that i’ve been trying to get in with for a while. i’m a recently graduated engineer and after six months of looking i finally have a job where i’m using everything that i learned in college. and so far it’s been great. the peop... | i asked a random guy in my work parking lot to help me jump my car after my battery died. the random guy turned out to be in charge of my entire department, my boss’s boss. after i got my car started, i stalled right into the fender of his new porsche. not the best way to meet your boss’s boss. | asking my boss’s boss for a jump start then drove into his new porsche. |
23 | 5 | 0.79 | 23 | the first time this happened was a few months ago when we first bought our house. the master bathroom was remodeled but the shower stall was the cheap kind and we wanted to switch to the marble shower pan. my wife asked her uncle to help change it since he does construction and all that remodeling stuff. so the followi... | bought wrong tiles 6 months ago, bought the exact same wrong tiles again two days ago. in laws awestruck by my stupidity. | picking up the wrong bathroom tiles.. for the second time |
15 | 7 | 0.64 | 15 | so yesterday i posted this amazing gif on r/battlefield_one and i was getting so many upvotes and comments on it.
everybody loved it. it was perfect. within a few hours it reached 4.2k upvotes. that's the highest i've ever gotten so i was thrilled.
until i tried uploading another clip while using reddit on my phone... | i'm an idiot that just deleted his highest ever rated post just because he was trying to multitask. | being an idiot who tried to juggle many tasks simultaneously. |
25 | 12 | 0.82 | 25 | dear reddit,
today, i fucked up.
previous side note - i first got an iphone maybe about 7 years ago. told siri to call me "danny", it decided to go with "daddy". never fixed it, immature me thought it was pretty funny.
the fuck up.
about a month ago i bought an apple watch. i've been using it to track my workou... | mid workout, my watch dialed 9-1-1 and an officer responded to the gym. twice. | dialing 9-1-1 at the gym...for the second time. |
16 | 3 | 0.74 | 16 | it happened moments ago. i was doing number 2 while watching videos on youtube (yes, youtube, i wasn't in the mood for ctrl shift n today) and thought it was a good idea to change my iphone's battery.
first things first. my phone battery was dying and i thought about getting it replaced. but i'm the kind of guy who li... | tifu by open my iphone battery with a switchblade while trying to replace it, and the new one looks pretty much the same as the old one | trying to replace my iphone's battery alone, at 11:00 pm, using a goddamm switchblade |
11 | 3 | 0.86 | 11 | so, this literally happened two minutes ago. i'm currently drunk weeping while in my friends bathroom writing this.
my best friends family has been setting up a surprise party for months for my friends mom (she's turning 50). i had plans to go to a beach house on the weekend so i felt obliged to ask when the party ran... | drunk, tried to have conversation with my best friends parents, accidentally ruined her surprise 50th party. | ruining my best friends mothers surprise party |
139 | 51 | 0.79 | 139 | what would you do for a klondike bar? here's what i did for it :
today i was late to work and didn't have any breakfast so i went into my garage fridge and grabbed an original flavored klondike bar for the road. i started driving and whilst doing that i decided to unwrap the tasty ice cream treat. i took both hands of... | my klondike bar slid behind my brake pedal and i reached for it and crashed into a deer. the klondike bar was crushed and so was my car. | a klondike bar cost me $2500 |
39 | 10 | 0.87 | 39 | i'm currently working for an older woman, painting the cabinetry in her kitchen. for the base coat i've been using a super high-tack paint so it'll stick. well today i was painting up high on the ladder with the paint bucket resting on the top of the ladder. when i got down and went to move the ladder, i forgot to move... | spilled paint everywhere, including on a doggy, when i moved the ladder where i so stupidly left the paint. | forgetting about gravity and painting my boss's dog. |
10 | 4 | 0.71 | 10 | **full story**
so i'm going away with some mates for an end of school trip and i thought it would be a good idea to buy myself a skateboard. when i was younger (9-12) i was a skateboard fanatic. always skating, learning new tricks. the whole lot pretty much so even though i haven't skated in ages i'm pretty confident.
... | went skateboarding for first time in 5 years or so, jumped off a staircase. fucked my arm | breaking my arm skateboarding for the first time in 5 years |
56 | 33 | 0.9 | 56 | this is actually one of the rare ones that happened today. so before you call me a moron let me explain
i'll start from the beginning
me and my friend were on our way back from getting my car washed after someone had dumped condiments on it. as we were pulling into a parking spot i saw the the police officer had park... | pulled a prank on the school cop and it turned out to be a death threat. almost had to repeat senior year and almost got a criminal record. | putting a death threat on school police officers car |
39 | 5 | 0.79 | 39 | so recently my dad was hospitalised, and he came back with a diagnosis of diabetes. for some reason, he went out and bought this massive 32-pack of diet pepsi, even though he’s not a soda drinker. he took one can, decided he hated it and the whole pack went untouched for a week.
that night, i was tired and really stre... | tried to make pepsi out of diet pepsi with sugar and it failed spectacularly. | trying to make pepsi |
71 | 18 | 0.71 | 71 | i had just finished building my friend's pc and it was looking great. i realized at the end that i forgot to add the psu, i was tired so so sue me. i asked him where it was and he had no idea what i was on about. i dashed home and grabbed a spare one from my stash. this psu i grabbed was the wrong one, it was some shif... | gave my friend a cheap psu, didn't put the pc case cover on and set fire to his legs. | setting fire to my friend |
21 | 5 | 0.73 | 21 | mobile, sorry.
obligatory "happened the other day, yada yada". i was with some of the guys drinking at a friend's house, whom we will call andy. i fancy my self a bit of an amateur chef and had brought over the makings of some burgers (goat cheese, pine nuts, caramelized onion, minced tomato, ground pork & beef, seaso... | see bottom you lazy things. | challenging a friend to a cook off |
32 | 4 | 0.74 | 32 | so as a backstory, for the past few days my mom has been obsessing over this new cat that she is getting. i mean properly obsessing, like every minute talking about this cat. we even went to go see it yesterday.
fast forward to today. my local radio station for the past few weeks has been running a competition where y... | i thought cats matched with dogs, lost a lot of money (for me) | thinking that cats and dogs are friends |
18,120 | 1,280 | 0.85 | 18,120 | happened a couple of hours ago.
i’ve been playing this game i stumbled across recently.
you know the ones, free, highly addictive, but jam packed full of advertising.
anyhows, i thought i was an absolute champion when i scored 34 earlier today. the first thing i thought of was boasting to my boy when he came home ... | got cocky, told my boy i’d give him a $100 if he beat my high score. he did. never underestimate children and the power of a financial incentive. | having to give my 5yo son $100 for beating my high score. |
18 | 7 | 0.77 | 18 | so this actually happened today; working on a bathroom remodel and needed to increase the hole cutout for the fan. i used a spare piece of drywall to mark the cuts i needed to make and then began cutting with a utility knife.
things were going good, got one side done. after working on the other side i hit a hard part... | badly cut my finger trying to cut a large hole in a drywall ceiling. went to urgent care and got 6 stitches. lucky that i was wearing leather gloves that likely prevented the cut from being worse. | trying to cut ceiling drywall with a utility knife |
40 | 6 | 0.91 | 40 | saturday, i was at work at the local renfaire, doing my thing selling swords. nothing exceptional in this day, start of the faire, nice weather, etc...
i was talking with a customer across the counter from me, me standing up, feet crossed, left foot flat and right foot toes down. i had laced up my boots that morning, ... | selling swords at a ren faire, tripped, and literally fell on my sword(s). | falling on my sword |
50 | 24 | 0.92 | 50 | for the past month i have been actively searching for a new job. i am still holding a job, but have been discretely submitting applications to postings on indeed, career builder, etc. if a job posting comes up that is similar to my title and experience, i shoot my resume and cover letter over after taking a quick look ... | submitted my application to a company owned by the husband of my current boss and lost my job. | blindly submitting my resume to a job posting |
38 | 15 | 0.9 | 38 | so, this did actually happen today, but it's an accumulation of two months of dumbassery which is the core of my fuck up. pardon and spelling mistakes/formatting/ect, i'm high as a kite on codeine and percocet rn.
so, i have fibromyalgia, which for those unfamiliar, is like chronic fatigue syndrome and chronic pain h... | i'm a dumbass, full stop. i didn't listen to my body, now what would have been a routine cavity situation turned into a fucking root canal/yank the entire tooth situation. bright side, i can't feel a fucking thing right now.** | not going to the dentist. |
227 | 61 | 0.95 | 227 | so i run a few websites and recently moved them onto aws (amazon's cool web services).
i'm re-writing a part of the site that serves all the pictures and videos, i was attempting to move from my old standard system to amazon's cloudfront and s3 services (better faster stronger)
i re-used a class i had that resizes t... | ; ran a loop that called amazon's web services 2.2 million times at $0.005 per call = 11k+ charge on my account | as a web developer to the tune of $11,500 out of my pocket. |
104 | 11 | 0.96 | 104 | so today, at least in my state, was the last day of high school for me. but yesterday, i had been working on an experiment in the main hallway, that involved attaching clips to the walls. (physics experiment). but, as you know, when it's the last day of school, literally everybody is like sprinting full breakneck speed... | attached clips to a wall, kids got caught, domino chain reaction | accidentally hooking on to multiple kids pants with hooks attached to a wall |
25 | 4 | 0.9 | 25 | tifu- today, like many days before it, i was playing fetch with my dog. she was ecstatic, as usual. her whole body was wriggling like a furry dolphin as she leapt across the living room to retrieve her braided rope. as i tossed the rope, i had my laptop balanced on my knees, searching for a job that would pay for more ... | ignored dog while playing fetch. dog enacted revenge by punting my laptop across the room. laptop landed on couch, safe. dog stuck ass in my face. all in all better outcome than expected. | multitasking and having a dog |
5,657 | 527 | 0.86 | 5,657 | this happened about 7 months ago. i was playing my guitar at an acoustic gig at the local cafe. so while a lot of people use guitar picks, i prefer to use my hands because i like the feel of it and i feel more comfortable with it. i had been growing my nails for a while so it was fine with me.
while i was performing ... | ] didn't use a pick to play the guitar, nail got stuck in a string and got shredded, had a bulb shaped dressing on my finger for a month. | not using a guitar pick. |
9 | 8 | 0.7 | 9 | this fuck up happened about 1 year ago, it was a hot and sunny day so i decided to go out and meet a group of friend in a field to smoke some of that good stuff.
we had been there for about 1 hour when i decided it would be a fantastic idea to pick some grass and try and construct a giant grass mound, i had picked a ... | innocently picked grass only to have a piece take revenge and incapacitate me with pain for a month, don't pick grass kids. | picking grass |
117 | 22 | 0.9 | 117 | sooooooo... where do i begin? i live in canada, we get ice and snow for about 1/3 of the year. now this story is from a little while ago (last march) when the lake was almost clear of ice. i was with a couple of buddies of mine, drinking and fooling around (a terrible combo), when one of them bet myself and my other bu... | : was a drunk jack ass, received a bet from a friend, jumped in lake filled with ice, got cut, mild hypothermia and mild shock. | jumping in the lake |
15 | 10 | 0.62 | 15 | the story goes as follows, i was travelling with 2 friends to jordan to attend my best friends wedding. applied & received my visa from the embassy and got it after a short hassle and putting a deposit of 5000$ as a gurantee cheque. i land at the airport everything seesm to be going good. we reached passport control, t... | going on a vacation abroad for bestfriend's wedding, was too nice offering help to passport control checking my visa causing him to think that it was fake and that i was a terrorist, thus sending me to their cia hq. | scewing my vacation to attend my bestfriends; ended up meeting the secret services in their headquarters in person. |
0 | 8 | 0.45 | 0 | (insert obligatory "this wasn't today this was a few months back" sentence here)
back in 8th grade, 4 years ago, my cousin bob and his friend joe joined up with me in a band. it was mostly for fun as we never got much done aside from covering a few popular songs. we weren't the best cover band ever, but we weren't the... | ] got into my friend's car to pick up his gf for band practice, almost crashed into other friend's mom's suv. | getting in my adhd friend's car |
100 | 18 | 0.92 | 100 | didn't happen today, but was a few years ago.
my stag night was perhaps one of the best nights i've ever had. sadly it was followed by the absolute worst day of my life to date.
after almost a day of partying, drunken golf, impromptu onesie raves and god knows what else, i make it home and collapse into bed. missio... | hungover, i accidentally used deep heat for toothpaste, burned my insides, made doctors cry from laughter, and now my bathroom has labels on everything to prevent another poisoning event. | accidentally using deep heat cream as toothpaste. |
16 | 2 | 0.84 | 16 | early apologies for any spelling mistakes, i am typing with only one hand as this happened today.
i'm a groundskeeper. i was in the back of my coworker's jeep as she drove us to a site we work at once a week. her jeep (don't know model or year) only has two doors, and the seats don't fold forward very well, so i had l... | tried to leave a jeep, tripped, fell, and fucked up my arm so hard it needs surgery. | falling out of a jeep |
2 | 6 | 0.55 | 2 | obligatory this happened last year.
at my school, we had these top-of-the-line calculators for the accelerated math (amp) kids. they could graph, use letters, do all sorts of trigonometry operations, and all the like. the important thing here is that they can type letters. so me, being in accelerated math all high and ... | wrote jews are vermin in a school calculator, got in huge trouble | being a bad person |
94 | 48 | 0.9 | 94 | i work in a coffee shop and it's part of my job to remember my customers, their names and their orders. i have a regular customer who comes in probably once a week. she is around 35 years old, and has very very red hair, and her name is ginger.
i was working my shift and a woman walked in with the same color hair, but... | ] i called a red headed woman ginger because i thought that was her name. she yelled at me and i was given a written warning at work. | calling a red headed woman ginger. |
57 | 10 | 0.91 | 57 | (this story happened to me not today, but last summer. i'm also french, so pardon my english)
last summer, the weekend (saturday) before the final exam week and 2-3 weeks before going to america visiting my girlfriend, i fell off my bike. like stupidly ("ohhh, it looks weird, let's turn right and left very quickly and... | fell off my bike. tried to be badass. cried while eating a french fry. jaw was broken. bike is ok | leaving the hospital too early |
263 | 25 | 0.9 | 263 | so this happened a few years ago and i haven't told a soul because i was so stupid and soooo lucky.
my family has a cabin up in the middle of nowhere and we run our stove and fridge off of a 100lb propane tank.
i worked at a gas station that refilled propane tanks and i was certificate for it so i knew a little bit... | i almost blew us all up for nicotine. i lit up a cigarette next to a leaking 100lb propane tank, in an enclosed area, next to everyone that i love, even though i knew better. | i almost blew up my family |
4 | 5 | 0.65 | 4 | so i was hungry before starting work and decided to put a quick frozen pizza in the oven. upon hearing the bleep of the oven i reach in to take it out and it's stuck. fantastic. now bear in mind i didn't use a baking tray so it's stuck on the metal rack. i grab a tea towel and push from underneath the pizza to release ... | burnt wrist and fought brother. now i have no skin on wrist | getting my pizza from the oven and burning myself |
502 | 139 | 0.79 | 502 | well let me begin this shit storm of a story by saying this happened a few years back in my college days; i don't do drugs or alcohol anymore, which is probably for the better. this story is too retarded to make up. so enjoy.
it all started when i flew down to athens, ga to visit some friends and family. my friends t... | spent 100 bucks at buffalo wild wings, broke my phone, dropped my buddies roommate's phone off a second story balcony, fell asleep on a couch at wal-mart and was woken up by cops (i managed to talk my way out of a public intoxication ticket), was kicked out of a relatives house, tried hitting up an ex girlfriend, who... | going full retard on xanax bars |
6,002 | 505 | 0.92 | 6,002 | my life is full of fuck ups so i figure i would post another one on here. obligatory this happened ten years ago when i was in high school.
i've had a problem with chronic migraines my entire life and occasionally before school i would take a dose of fioricet (basically a pain killer with caffeine used for migraines) ... | wrong meds turned me into a ninja | taking the wrong medication |
17 | 2 | 0.82 | 17 | about a week ago, i bought a water flosser so i could be better about oral hygiene. it arrived, i set it up, i tried it out, i loved it. i set all the different attachments into the case that came with it, and realized that one of them, a rather large, purple one, wouldn't fit in the case. this attachment, according to... | cleaned nose with pressurized water jet. sinus burns like one would expect it would burn after being cleaned by pressurized water jet. | trying the nose cleaning attachment on my water flosser |
29 | 3 | 0.83 | 29 | so as with many tifus this didn't happen today, but happened approximately 11 months ago.
my wife and i had just bought our first house, and we were moving stuff out of our apartment. we tried to get a rental truck, but they would have charged us extra days since we were moving over the weekend, and they were closed ... | while moving i kicked my queen size mattress. it didn't move, but my kneecap dislocated | kicking a mattress |
15 | 4 | 0.74 | 15 | happened 10 minutes ago. i was waiting on the bus and had my backpack sitting next to me on this wooden bench. the bus approaches and i stand up to grab my backpack, but i can't because the strap buckle got stuck in the crack. i pull and pull, doesn't budge. i go from under to push it out.
i start to run to the bus be... | my backpack strap buckle got stuck in the bench while the bus was waiting on me, i got it out, run to the bus and fall scratching up my knee and foot because my headphones got stuck as well. | waiting until the last second to stand up to catch the bus. |
3 | 13 | 0.52 | 3 | so this happened a couple months ago, i have this issue where i would run all of a sudden uncontrollably, i don't know what exactly causes this, it might be some form of excitement but i don't know what causes it.
so anyway a couple months ago i was watching a video casually on my laptop, i don't remember what video i... | had a sudden feeling of running, broke my toe and was unable to do anything for 6 weeks | running around uncontrollably |
33 | 16 | 0.8 | 33 | so a few days ago when i found out that futurama was going to be taken off netflix, i decides to watch as many as i can before it goes. this story takes place yesterday when i was trying to watch it. i wanted to watch another episode so i plugged in my phone, got a can of carbonated water (out of soda), and started th... | tried to watch a show, knocked soda over into outlet, every other outlet shut off causing us to lose wifi and internet, found out i blew a fuse, now none of the outlets work. | trying to watch tv and drink a soda |
9 | 5 | 0.8 | 9 | like most tifu's this didn't happen today but a few years (10+) ago.
so how does this all happen you may ask; well i'd just spent a few hours down at the beach here in the uk on a sunny day (yes we do get them). anyway we were flying kites and generally having what any young person does, anyway me and my brother were... | appempted to fly kite and ride bike at same time, ended up with stitches and had to apologise to my mum for scaring her | wounding myself whilst attempting to ride a bike and fly a kite at the same time |
2,070 | 304 | 0.94 | 2,070 | when i was around 9 or 10 years old my parents noticed i was falling way off the growth charts. i was diagnosed with idiopathic growth hormone deficiency - meaning my body doesn't make growth hormone on it's own. it's 100% treatable, i just had to inject myself with growth hormone each night before bed.
when i was 12 ... | 12-year-old me screwed over 23-year-old me. 12-year-old me and 23-year-old me are almost the same height now. | thinking that being short would be cool |
51 | 8 | 0.92 | 51 | dragged myself into work (sales coordinator at a hotel) this morning, groggy as all hell. about once a week this old lady calls to check on all the reservations for her family reunion. it's been 10 reservations for the past three months, except for last week, when a guest booked an extra room with me.
quite unfortuna... | last name of family reunion guest was manson. incorrectly gave his first name as "charles" to the reunion coordinator. | mixing up a guest's name with a well known murderer. |
10,983 | 739 | 0.91 | 10,983 | this just happened, but here's some backstory:
on mother's day, we went to my brother's place up in the mountains, and his dog and ours went running through the woods.
later, i pointed out a bug crawling across the floor.
"oh, gross. a tick." my nephew says, before smashing it into oblivion.
"yeah, you might want ... | was trying to de-tick my dog, almost de-nippled my dog. | trying to remove a tick from my dog |
12 | 2 | 0.82 | 12 | it was a nice day. we were on our way to nelsons ledges quarry park for the semiannual badfish 3 day concert. i was in the backseat of the cab, my husband and the driver upfront. in the bed of the truck was our camping gear and 3 boxes of old books we were dropping off at the driver's mom's on our way through. i smoked... | i learned a lesson about fire safety and we still went. | catching my friend's truck ablaze while going 55mph on our way to a music festival |
4 | 2 | 0.78 | 4 | actually happened today!
i'm an aff student (learning to skydive) and stage 8 was my morning jump. i was heaps excited, my free fall was pretty damn good and i passed it! but coming for landing i was further away then i wanted to be. i knew i wasn't going to make it over the tarmac which is hard as, well, tarmac. the... | i panicked when coming into landing my parachute and forgot to brake, hit the runway full speed! ended up hurt and not able to jump for a week or so! | crash landing my parachute on a runway at full speed. |
30 | 6 | 0.95 | 30 | obligatory actually happened about 12 years ago.
in highschool we had a couple of classes in a separate building(we called them portables) behind the main building of the school. i had drivers ed with mr. so&so in portable 102 2nd period.
now mr. so&so was a real hard ass of a teacher. he was your typical ex-marine, ... | wasn't paying attention to where i was walking and made a big bloody mess. | taking a shortcut to my next class |
11 | 7 | 0.82 | 11 | this happened about 5 years ago, but i remember it like it was today.
well, you see, i'm a curious kind of person that natural selection somehow managed to pass over. the wife and i had gotten a new air pistol to plink some cans for fun. at the time of purchase, i was curious about how much air came out of the chambe... | so, i learned all guns are to be treated as loaded. even if they are not. because they are, period. end of story. i've had to have two surgeries in this finger, which now locks in place at times. also of note, i divorced the wife i spoke about for other reason a couple years later because she was violent. she had the b... | shooting myself in the hand with a bb gun |
19 | 16 | 0.82 | 19 | long time lurker, first time poster here! excuse my poor writing skills.
finally summer has arrived and in my natural teenager state i sleep way in and only get up to satisfy my gnawing hunger. making some ramen in a plastic container, (because who wants to actually cook) i zone out into thought about upcomming e... | i'm an idiot. | going into autopilot |
3 | 1 | 0.81 | 3 | this was a few weeks ago now. i was removing my nail polish at my desk, laptop in front of me, bottle of remover beside it. and although i'm a clumsy doof, i've never knocked the bottle over before.
except this time i do. i accidentally backhand it... *away* from my laptop. had i let gravity take its course, i would h... | bottle of nail polish remover fell, tried to catch it, knocked it onto laptop, cmd, z, 0, f keys and backspace are all now terrible. | trying to catch a bottle |
2 | 0 | 0.58 | 2 | this actually happened today and i feel incredibly frustrated with myself, but happy that people helped me out.
i have a friend who was in my school's boarding school (we just graduated high school). he was from the british virgin islands, and we have been planning to make a trip there. this included about eight frien... | i forgot my passport, for a charter flight, and i had to call up a locksmith to crack into my mom's house.) | almost couldn't go on a trip with some friends. |
17 | 14 | 0.74 | 17 | *this happened a few weeks ago* i was in a doctors office where my mother worked as a secretary, she was standing next to one of her bosses, a doctor, and suggesting something for my cold, i said the words "that's retarded" to one of her retarded suggestions not knowing that the doctor in front of me had a son who was... | i said the words "that's retarded" in front of my mothers boss who's son is retarded, not knowing he was 20 feet away from me. | saying the word retarded |
47 | 22 | 0.83 | 47 | i got home from school at 15h30, where we have been treated terribly for the past 2 months and given tonnes of work without proper teaching (all with the teacher's excuse being: "you're in twelfth grade. this is how life is. just do it!")
today we did no work, despite having less than 6 months left to cover almost 3 ... | worked in wrong files when helping mom with work. sat on steps with laptop hanging off edge. had muscle spasm. hit laptop. killed hdd. laptop dead. mom distraught. risk of losing job. i lost all her data and my schoolwork including presentation for school the next day. contemplate suicide. made calls and spoke to peopl... | killing my laptop's hdd and risking my mom's job and my health... [long] |
6,356 | 736 | 0.92 | 6,356 | this happened yesterday, and i am still feeling the pain now.
so i was working my usual monday shift at the fast food place i work at, dropping food in the fryers, same old same old. mondays tend to be slower then most days, so i was just on my phone while talking to a coworker. well i (had) a galaxy s7 edge with no c... | - phone in fryer = boom | dropping my phone in a deep fryer. |
92 | 58 | 0.84 | 92 | hello guys, tifu by cleaning my computer, it happened 3 or 4 hours ago.
so tomorrow i have an oral exam which is part of the french baccalaureate, the subject is tpe (travaux pratiques encadrés) it's in two parts. first you got to write a 40~ pages essay in 3 months on a topic you choose which is mixing two school sub... | i tried to clean my computer with computer cleaning products, it didn't boot up afterwards, i got an official exam for which i worked 3 months, if i can't fix it i got to do computer version of heart transplantation. | cleaning my computer |
0 | 172 | 0.39 | 0 | so i'll start with some background, i have a co-worker who is extremely germophobic. we've worked in the same department for about a month now, and we pretty much hate eachother mutually. the reason i constantly bother him is because he's a super devout christian, he passed out these little sky wizard packets for some ... | i got fired for promoting religious tolerance at work, looking to sue for wrongful termination and defamation | getting fired for promoting religious tolerance at work |
51 | 40 | 0.84 | 51 | this happened about 5 years ago.
so i used to go to a private charter school and they had strict uniform rules. where you have to wear a specific color shirt assigned to your grade level and black pants or black shorts with black/white/gray shoes and when wearing shorts, socks had to be white or black. one day in the ... | had strict uniform rules in school. i disobeyed them and argued with the principal. which led to detention which i skipped. which led to parent conference and double detention and had to pick up trash at lunch. | wearing the wrong socks. |
271 | 35 | 0.95 | 271 | so, i was a sewer worker before this incident and was called in to work on some of the main sewage lines at a school. to do this, i had to move away some ceiling tiles and climb up to reach the pipes. i was working on the pipes and needed to work on the backside of one of the pipes which was out of my reach. what i did... | stood on main sewer pipe in school. sewer pipe breaks and floods school with sewage. school is canceled and i get fired. | breaking a ceiling sewer pipe. |
43 | 31 | 0.83 | 43 | obviously not today. this was summer of 2014. i was living near my school, umass amherst, for the summer, but would drive to my parents place on long island every few weeks for various reasons. not a bad drive. 178 miles door to door, 3 hours on the button. needless to say, driving 360 miles constantly on top of a summ... | i didn't get an oil change and cost my parents $3,000 and a day of work. | not getting my oil changed |
23 | 4 | 0.81 | 23 | our dryer had been making this loud banging noise for the past week. so here i am thinking i am the man, will just order the new wheels and get the belt and replace it myself.
get the parts today and begin taking the dryer apart. for anyone not familiar with this, it sucks. you have to take apart the entire dryer to re... | spent several hours fixing my dryer. got it fixed. forgot to unplug it and blew the wiring harness. $85 mistake. | trying to fix my dryer |
21 | 2 | 0.86 | 21 | didn't actually happen today, as usual, but on the day of my high school graduation a few years ago. this especially goes out to high school graduates.
first of all, here is some backstory on me that adds to how i got to my tifu i come from a small town with a decently well known njrotc unit. for those who do not kn... | tried to catch a sword on the day of my high school graduation, got cut decently bad, played music with it, and shook and hands with people who have some monster grips (out of love) | trying to catch a sword on the day of my high school graduation |
71 | 11 | 0.95 | 71 | this actually happened some years ago but i think it still has some contemporary matter - more or less.
it was a regular monday. it's early in the morning and i have my troubles lifting my tired body out of my bed. after hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock for about 7 times i finally decided it was time to get... | tried to sit down on the toilet, it was early in the morning, i hit the ground due to the wrong estimation of the distance between me and the toilet, crushed my tailbone and sprained my wrist in the process. | taking a dump and crushing my tailbone in the process |
28 | 30 | 0.92 | 28 | this was actually last night...
i was making a salad and wanted some protein, so i decided to hard-boil an egg. i was really hungry and really impatient, so i decided to google how to hard-boil an egg in the microwave. it seemed easy enough, so i popped the egg in a bowl of water and started the microwave.
with twe... | i was too lazy to boil an egg on the stove, and now half the outlets in the kitchen don't work. | hard-boiling an egg. |
18 | 5 | 0.87 | 18 | this did actually happen today - first time for everything.
so i was clearing out our garden, which is extremely overgrown with a variety of weeds and trees alike. many of said trees are ugly and/or in the way so i took to the saw to remove them. none were particularly large trees, 5-6m at most so i was pretty lax abou... | chopped a tree in my garden down, branch hit my knob and it dragged a large bramble across my leg. painful. | felling some trees |
51 | 14 | 0.94 | 51 | obligatory on mobile, sorry for formatting and whatnot.
so this fuckup actually happened yesterday. i live in the northern us but i'm currently traveling in the deep south for my brother's college graduation. at home i live in a very big city so i'm not around a lot of nature, and the only bugs that will bother you ar... | traveling to an area that (unbeknownst to me) has angry bugs that will attack you. tried to take a selfie with a giant flower and managed to step on a colony of fire ants. the angry ant mob swarmed into a crowded post-graduation ceremony and attacked at least one other person. chaos ensued. | stepping on a colony of fire ants during my brother's college graduation |
48 | 32 | 0.87 | 48 | right, there isn't really a good way to start this so here's abit of context.
i haven't seen my girlfriend in 3 months, she has just came back from a long trip out of the country and i haven't really spoke to her until the last week approached. this was due to a lack of mobile signal/communication available during th... | had sex with my girlfriend, go in too hard and rip my foreskin, faint because of shock and go temporarily deaf as a result of fainting, her mum becomes suspicious and now i have a ripped dick. | swapping position during sex. |
19,134 | 1,185 | 0.87 | 19,134 | so this isn't really today, but rather a summary of my last couple of lobster filled days and how i made a 150 mile journey to put a lobster in the sea.
so i'm a student and since coming to university i eat a lot of fish. like 5/6 times a week. the only way to afford this is to prepare my food from scratch - including... | avid meat/fish eater. emotionally bonded with a lobster in a fishmongers. went on 120 mile (193km) journey in an attempt to return him to the sea. he died, now i am sad. however he had a nice couple of days eating fish and making friends. | befriending a lobster |
92 | 29 | 0.89 | 92 | so this actually happened yesterday, but anyway:
i was at work, making food deliveries, on an extremely hot day (it was about 30 c in the sun). it was really on of the worst days i've had. i didn't sleep well, people on the streets were assholes, 12 hours in and still no tips (lol). since i was sitting around for a bit... | after a long, hard and hot day at work i pushed a guy that shoved me aside and made me drop my amazing mango ice cream. turns out he is deaf and wanted to make it home in time for his granddaughters party. | pushing a deaf guy. |
20 | 9 | 0.86 | 20 | obligatory this happened around two weeks ago, not today.
me and my buddy usually go on the roof to be stupid, but this time i went to the top for a football. my roof slants, like most, and the football was positioned right between two slopes. i climbed on this shaky ass ladder that was almost as shaky as me going ont... | climbed roof for a football, ended up slipping off and fucking myself over | slipping off of a roof |
14 | 2 | 1 | 14 | obligatory "this didn't happen today" but in fact, this time last year. tl;dr below.
i live in london, in a 3rd floor flat with an outdoor balcony. last summer, an expecting pigeon decided that my balcony was a verdant paradise and that the space behind a cluster of potted plants would be the perfect spot for her to ... | fed baby balcony pigeons and then accidentally made them homeless when i destroyed their nest. mother keeps coming back to try and lay more eggs. | made 2 fledgling pigeons homeless. |
122 | 11 | 0.85 | 122 | so this happened three years ago when i was an 18 year old in upper sixth (i think 12th grade/senior in yankspeak) and it was the leaving party our college (i'm from a chavvy county where most kids left school at 16 so those of us who did a levels and shit went to fe colleges) laid on for the students before a level ex... | i missed out on going to my first choice university because i broke my shoulder on a bouncy castle after slipping because i forgot to take my socks off | not removing my socks before going on a bouncy castle |
11 | 6 | 0.74 | 11 | to put some context, the last days, especially yesterday, were hot, like very hot (30° c, 86° fahrenheit) and i'm currently studying for my finals (which is impossible with such temperatures). my student apartment is just below the roof of the house (so it's even hotter), so my windows are in the roof, inclined. to kee... | left my window opened to avoid turning my place into a sauna, but actually turned it into a pool. | almost flooding my student apartment. |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.